So you’ve given birth mommy. You’re happy to see that little face around the house. You’re happy that daddy bear is smitten by your new bundle of joy & he’s happy that you’ve given him the best gift he’s ever had. You’re even happy to get back to everything you know outside the hospital walls. It feels great, and the weeks pass by and you’re doing everything a new mom does (bath the baby, change the baby, feed the baby, lose a lot of sleep over the baby) and this repeats over and over and over again. Then you start to realize this routine is never ending and I’m doing a great job BUT there’s something missing. You don’t realize what it is because it’s all about the baby but suddenly you look in the mirror and realize and think to yourself “What about me?”
My experience wasn’t easy. I felt disconnected. Not from my child but from my own life and from papa bear. I didn’t feel sexy, I felt like my boobs were always out, I felt like I could hardly do my hair let alone get my nails done. I was always wearing track pants and leggings and changing T-shirts every hour because of spit up or milk stains. I just wasn’t myself. I often had to think is this normal or am I just slacking off but I think it’s normal but I didn’t have those answers as a new mom.
It gets to the point where you’re so busy with the baby you miss saying “I love you.” Or getting some give and take kisses and more. At one point I found myself asking papa bear many times “Do you find me attractive anymore?” “Do you still care about me?” & Most of the time he gave me looks of confusions Or said “you’re tripping.” “You look great.” But many times I didn’t believe him and would say “ok.” In a soft disturbed manner or would bottle up in an awkward silence until there was another distracting topic that would make me forget everything I asked in the first place…
Note to new mommies everywhere, THIS IS COMPLETELY normal!! We are working overtime and we have to give ourselves some credit. We don’t all live like celebrities do and we can’t all have trainers and surgery to whip us back into shape immediately. All it takes is TIME.
If I think about how sad I was at times but think about where I am now, I’m proud to say I went from a meh(I’ll never look the same again mommy) to Yummy Mama J who can have a child/ feel great and look damn good while doing it. That is why, the key word is TIME.
Here are a few things that happen to your body after birth. Unfortunately, that amazing placenta that holds all the magic inside us gets pulled out with the baby and that’s when the reversal starts taking place.
– Goodbye glowing skin (hello oily/dry skin)
– Goodbye to I can eat everything
– Goodbye to waddling (can’t use it to skip a line or two anymore)
– Goodbye to strong and glowing hair (In my case, my hair started shredding like a dog in the summer time… awful) every brush stroke was a nightmare and my hair became dry and brittle. I got so fed up I cut the whole damn thing off (another regret of mine but hey hair growing back so it’s alright)
– Goodbye to strong nails
And lastly: GOODBYE TO YOUR PRE-PREGNANT STOMACH. I had to give this one a bit of space from the list because this is another mental preparation in my personal opinion. It took me literally 7-months before I finally told myself it’s time to go back to the the gym. It’s time to really work on toning back my body. Luckily I don’t eat so unhealthy but I have my moments and I also drink a lot of water.
What I am getting at here mommies is our stomachs were stretching for 9 long months, it’s actually incredible but there will be some stomach wrinkles and maybe for some of you stretch marks (Coco butter and Shea Butter does wonders) this is why your pre-stomach is going to never look the same. It’s not really about the size it’s more about how it looks.
The fact is us women do most of the parenting work from newborn till about one year (but clap clap to you stay at home dad’s who are putting the work in) we feel we aren’t getting enough love but the love is there, we are just blind to see it.
It’s not the end of the road mommy you will get your pep in your step back so enjoy your bundle and believe your man when he says he is still attracted to you. There might be a lack of bedroom fun, a lack of kissing, a lack of confidence and insecurity at one point but I promise you that all comes back (one more time for our key word) in TIME.
To conclude, I have a little message for all of you strong mothers who need a little more motivation because you may be struggling with post natal depression: you can do it mommy, I know it seems like your world is crashing down, I know it feels like your babies cry will drive you off the handle and much more but pray for STRENGTH/cry it out and know that your child loves you unconditionally. I personally disagree with medicine as a cure for that. I believe You can overcome it on your own by having FAITH. It will surly pass and the sun will shine again. *big hug*