Preparing for two while there’s one……🌸It’s a girl🌸

Two years into being a mommy to my best buddy in the world my son Jaden. Papa Bear & I are expecting once again. 

🌸IT’S A GIRL🌸 !!! 

Wow! I can’t even believe this is happening. So many emotions. Is this real? Can I handle two kids? I’m still learning with Jaden & now we’re throwing in another whole child… just wow. 

The journey has been tough but magical at the same time. The beginning was very rough. Finding out I was pregnant again happened with my big sister Geraldine via FaceTime. I told her “my period hasn’t shown up yet & I have a test upstairs but it’s old” … “Go and get it and go buy another one so we can double check” She said. “OK” (20/30 min later) CONFIRMED! I am indeed pregnant. My sister was so excited and I kept on saying “oh my gosh, what do I do. Should I tell papa bear now or later.” Eventually I told him with giggles which he didn’t find funny at all but me laughing was the only way I could cope and tell him. His own emotions were all over the place. Initially he wasn’t in the best mood because he said “are we ready again?” And all I could say was “I don’t know”! 

Needless to say the next few weeks were very intense and confusing for both of us. I don’t believe in abortions but it was also so early that the fetus is barely formed. I went to the doctor to know my options and again abortion was brought up but also time had gone by going from when I found out to “you’re six weeks in” after a lot of prayer and faith – WE DEFINITELY MADE THE RIGHT DECISION. We are having the baby because God makes no mistakes. 

(Fast forward) all is well, baby girl is growing, emotions are up and down. My first trimester was a hot mess just like with Jaden. Sick like a dog, a lot of crying – not being able to brush my teeth without gagging and just praying I make to the second trimester where I can finally be happy and eat my life away. FINALLY … I get there. 

Trimester two. Bring out the credit card. Baby shopping, ordering this and that. “Oh this is cute and this and this” such a difference shopping for boys and girls. I love all the shorts and polos for my son but seeing the mini swimwear and dresses after paying attention to them got me looking forward to finally meeting this baby girl. I never paid attention to anything girl ever but now my eyes are literally moving at a 50-50 pace because I’m thinking “what can I get for her and what can I get for Jaden” it’s actually fun but it’s also breaking our wallets more 😅 

Now, since I know there’s an new baby on the way, the biggest task is getting Jaden to understand what is going on. As my bump gets bigger I also try to tell him “baby baby” “kiss baby” “baby sister” some days he’ll kiss the belly and some days he’ll smack the belly. I don’t know if he gets it but he’s been more clingy than ever and he’s noticed little baby toys around the house all of sudden. He knows he’s too big for the toys because he’s advanced. They are still appealing for him but when he tries to throw the “crawling ball” and I say no no! He’s confused in why is mommy telling me to roll this ball and not throw it. Children are very smart. I just know his vibes feel that something is coming. 

As a mom to be of two my goal is to split myself in half! I don’t even know how I’ll deal with it and of course I’ll blog about this experience when baby girl arrives. I just want to be amazing to both of them but Jaden is my best friend, my go to, my play buddy – how am I suppose to do this with two kids. I’ve asked mother’s of two and they said they felt the same way but once the second arrives everything just fell into perfect place and everyone is happy so I pray it’s the same for me. I’ll be so devastated if my little guy feels a certain way about his baby sister or if he feels neglected. I already know when she’s born – he’s taking a full week off school to see her every second and I can spend time with them both. Luckily newborns don’t do much but feed & sleep but even then I need Jaden to see that she’s here to stay. I’ve seen him with other babies and he’s done great so I don’t doubt he’ll love his sister and they’ll be best buddies forever especially as she gets older. Jokingly I’m prepared for his slaps because when he sees her on my breasts which once belonged just to him, he might put up a fight 😂  besides the general talks of what’s on the way, I’ve also tried to get him to understand with pictures and stories. I ordered him a personalized big brother book which hopefully will help also. His name and face are in it and it describes all the responsibility a big brother has! I love online. You can find everything. He’s had personalized books in the past and he learned very fast from them. 

The final countdown has begun. Less than a month to go and my big boy toddler love of my life Jaden will no longer be a single child. He’s had a great time. He’s always going to be my best buddy and I believe this is such a great experience not just for him but for papa bear and I. Our family is expanding. We’ve been married for one year & I see the future being bright.

I thank God for everything & I pray I get continued strength to keep being a better mom to my children. It really takes a village to raise a child and I’m thankful for the advice and help I’ve got along the way but I’m very proud of myself because I went from knowing nothing to mothering two & seeing how well my son is growing and learning before my eyes, I’ve been doing something right. 

Cheers to the next chapter 🥂 

“I need a break. We need to put him in school!”

That time has come. Faster than I ever thought it would. Day care. It needed to happen, as I mentioned last week Papa bear and I are dealing with the  troublesome two stage, I needed the break. It took some time because I wanted our son to start before two and he said “NO, let’s wait till after two” but I just couldn’t wait any longer! Of course I love my little man around me but sometimes space is necessary. I needed time to rest (for good reasons) time to catch up on house chores and even clean his toy area properly. Different things. You’ll be surprised how much you can get down with your little one away. Even if I wasn’t resting, I could just enjoy some Mommy time and I have no regrets 🙂

I think as a first time Mom, I did well putting my son in school – it was sad hearing him cry every time I’d leave but it’s temporary time and temporary tears. I like the teachers in the school and I’d observed them when I visit and get to know them so I’m fully aware who is teaching him. The only concern I have is feeding times. I know my son is a picky eater and even though the amount is written down of what and how much he ate, as a parent you really never know that’s why I pack him a  few of his favorite things on the side just incase. It makes me feel at ease.

I enjoy the fact that he’s made new friends and can learn how to interact with others even more than before & learn at a different pace. I’ve done well teaching him in the meantime and learning never stops in our household but it’s great to know he’s learning in two places and from others as well.

The downside of day care is IT’S so expensive oh my gosh! I never knew. Parents don’t talk about this. You have to do your research and find out which school will fit you best and when you do, be prepared for some crazy fees – it’s quite annoying seeing as some of the kids are so small and it takes such a huge chunk out of your finances week after week or bi-weekly or monthly if you choose. In this situation you really can’t have your cake and eat it too because if you don’t  want to pay well – your kiddie stays at home 😩  sorry !!

All in all – Day care for me is win and let me tell you parents, THERE’S NOTHING LIKE SEEING THAT PRICELESS SMILE AND GETTING A LOVED FILLED HUG WHEN YOU PICK THEM UP AFTER SCHOOL ❤️

 

 

What to read… 📚

My son is only 1 year and 3 months and he’s already taken interest in books! I’m so happy about this. Reading is so important because it expands the mind and the earlier the better.

When my son is ready for reading time, he’ll go to his book area choose his desired choice and bring it to me. He’ll make a small noise “ehhh” which means in his toddler language “read to me” and I do without hesitation. I love the fact that he’s attentive and he enjoyed turning the pages on his own. He’s even started recognizing shapes or animals or things I might say and he’ll follow with an action for example “where are babies hands?” And he’ll start clapping 🙂

Here are a list of books I recommend that my son loves.

– “Where is babies belly button” (flap book) *His favorite*
– Sing and Squeak bath book (sound book)
– Good morning, Good night (a touch and feel bedtime book) *His second favorite*
– My favorite nursery rhymes box set (4 books)
– Baby’s first book of prayers *My favorite*

His flap book is his favorite because he loves lifting the pages and I’ve recently ordered a few more by the author Karen Katz. Definitely look into. My son’s first prayer book is great because it’s a compilation of lovely prayers which rhyme. He actually enjoys when I read them to him and he’s getting blessed at the same time so I’m all for it. The pages consist of pictures too so I also point and teach him different things which he remembers more and more.

Knowledge is power and the earlier we get these children on the right path the better. I’m all for the tv cartoons as I’ve mentioned before in one of my previous blogs but don’t miss the signs parents. If your child brings you the book, read it and if they want you to read it again, do it, period. My son likes to hear and see the pages turn several times before he’s done and I don’t rush him. I’m excited to order new books for him every so often and you should as well mom and dad.

Cheers to happy reading 📚

 

Mother VS Grandmother

It’s no surprise that our babies will make us women want to be the best at everything we do for them. It’s natural instinct that allows us to nurture the right way as if we knew how to be a parent already (which we don’t)

It’s funny how grandmothers always seem to have the magic touch for everything baby. Did you notice that ?!

It’s like there’s a grandmother handbook. it’s filled with tips and tricks and advice you may want to hear and opinions you may not. Of course they are experienced because most of the time they’ve done the baby thing years ago and know how to handle certain things but isn’t it just amazing how that actually works.

In my case, my son is attached to my hip. Recently my elder sister and her man looked after him while I enjoyed a much needed night out and she told me that getting Jaden to sleep was extremely difficult because he wanted his breastmilk and mommy… mommy was nowhere to be found. Eventually he did get some sleep but it made me think the next day as she told me how difficult he was…how on earth does Jaden’s grandma & all the other grandmothers of the world do it????

I’ve gone out plenty of times and I’ve even left Jaden to go on a three day mommy-cation & from her point of view she was just like “he’s fine, he’s slept, he’s not crying or fussy.” hmmmmmm okay that’s great to hear BUT what on earth is GRANDMA doing that SISTER is not doing? that’s why I’m convinced there’s a grandmother handbook. It’s probably a secret book only available for all grandmothers lol

What I think is that with all the experience they have had in the past with countless of children, the babies themselves sense that. They sense a trust that they have with their own mothers. (Don’t worry sister 😉 I trust you with all my heart) …

They know subconsciously that this grandma is my best friend after mommy because all grandmothers spoil their grandchildren so the children are on their best behavior. Again, that’s my own personal opinion but it’s fascinating to me.

I’ve seen it with my own eyes the way Jaden’s grandmother cares for him, feeds him and bathes him… as if it was her first son. Do I take the tips she gives me yes I do but sometimes there is a line that should be drawn where the mother should be encouraged and not judged because she doing certain things her own way. After all, practice makes perfect.

This was one of struggles in the beginning. I felt like I’m was doing my best and wasn’t getting enough praises for it by Jaden’s grandmother. It was always (do it this way and do it that way) and it should have more (well done, good job) remembering this time makes me also wonder to myself why as a new mother do we seek validation from our mothers so deeply?! maybe it’s because hearing you’re doing a good job can go along way or maybe it’s because deep down, you’ve been parenting me and now I’m the parent and I need to know that I’m parenting correctly but it’s a loop whole because there is no straight line to perfect parenting.

As long as are children get educated book smart and “street smart” I believe it’s a job well done in the long run.

All in all, we just have to be thankful for our children’s grandmothers. We might not always see eye to eye but the advice is meaningful and if our little babies can feel so comfortable with how they are around them, as mothers we have to have that same confidence.

Optimistic Mommy

Being a mother is no short or small task. Throughout your pregnancy, you have to be very aware of what’s going on inside of you (that’s why we have our weekly to monthly dr visits) to check on our little ones. We have to watch what we eat and even what we do because in no way are we trying to strain ourselves.

The more I thought about my own pregnancy, I realized that I didn’t limit myself to anything. I believe that you can do what you like and you can do it with so much positivity in your heart that your body is working with you and not against you. I traveled to distant places after getting told not to go anywhere. I said “why not” and I got a harsh “because you can lose the baby” I was baffled. Why are people so quick to point out negatives. Don’t you think a carrying mother needs a break to relax on the sand or wherever she chooses to. YES, absolutely, there is a time to fly and a time to NOT fly but that shouldn’t limit what you enjoy doing.

The same thing goes for food. If you’re like me, you like to read up on a lot of things or rather ask a lot questions. I seek for answers because I know that someone has shared the same thought or even have gone through the same thing as me so I like reading others opinions and outcomes. I’m definitely a “foodie” and nothing has changed even after pregnancy lol but being that type and being pregnant is glorious because I enjoyed my meals so much and I knew little man was enjoying every bite in baby form also. The point is, I came across loads of “Do not drink this, do not eat that” let me tell you it’s a load of BS. As my cousin once said “a happy pregnancy is the best pregnancy so eat whatever the hell you want.” She wasn’t lying. I never let the discouraging food list stop me from enjoying my meals or drinks (some of that “No” list included : Salami, Arizona Ice Tea, carbonated water; Mozzarella) how can things I love, let alone had the deepest cravings for be on the don’t try it because it’ll harm your child. I ignored it completely and here I am typing with my healthy child by my side (I thank God)

The one that got me the most…. Pregnancy DEPRESSION. Don’t let this define you ladies!!!!! That word is thrown around as if it’s something you buy. In my experience, I was extremely hormonal. I had Terrible mood swings which made me aggressive and I had mood swings which made me cry for nothing. When I mean cry for nothing literally. During my baby shower I saw two ants and killed one by mistake I think I cried a bit and I knew my sister and cousin were thinking is she serious or not lol… I was completely serious. Just because you let out emotions especially tears, don’t just believe you’re going to be depressed forever. I understand that there are a lot of thoughts running through your head about raising a child but YOU CAN DO IT.

Postpartum depression is a real thing and I pray for every mother who struggles with it. Although a huge issue to some, please don’t let it take over, especially before it’s even really taking place. True story. One of my dr’s who I removed right away after this conversation asked me once, “how are you feeling?” I told her, “I’ve been sad and crying a lot.” Without even hardly letting me finish she said “you’re probably depressed and you’re more likely to have postpartum, let me subscribe you some pills now so you’re less depressed.” EXCUSE ME! I was actually offended. Yes you’re a professional but why was she so quick to put me on drugs. Zero optimism. She just jumped to the negative conclusion. It’s so easy for people to feed you a quick solution and I am against that because if you tell yourself, I am not depressed and in a pregnant mothers case, knowing my child will love me unconditionally, and I can love my child back… eventually you can have the will power and do that. It might not be easy for some and there are women who do seek medication but please don’t let any Dr. make you believe that you need it. By the time the baby comes you’ll be so numb inside with your feelings, you won’t even know what’s going on. That’s why as said at the top, don’t let it define you. I listened to her “advice” and gave her a NO! I’ll be fine. I was crying for ridiculous things and no where was Depression of not feeling connected to my son apart of that.

Having optimism and faith go hand in hand. I believe if you put your mind to it, all will be well. Can challenges come about yes but it’s about how you handle every situation. With optimism you also do need realism because if there is something that needs to be known, never be oblivious to it, get the facts, seek the advice and go from there but always go in with strong positivity and the outcomes can be endless.

Airplane tears. (Another real story)

Recently I had made the transition from West Africa to Atlanta via London. It was one of my worst flights to date I have ever been on, why? Because for the first time, I got food poisoning. Such an awful thing.

Half way through the first flight which happened to be an evening flight , Jaden was sleeping, I woke up from my own sleep feeling terrible. I felt so weak and all I could do was reach for the paper bag in front of our seat pockets and throw up inside…. not once, not twice but at least 7 times. The flight couldn’t end fast enough.

As we finally reached London, I was hit with the coldest weather I had felt since the beginning of the year. It was freezing. I felt so bad for my baby but luckily I came fully prepared for him as I should have but for myself not so lucky lol not only was I sick, I could hardly walk and I definitely wasn’t dressed warmed enough. We had the longest lay over about 7 hours and I didn’t have strength to be sick in a busy airport not know which minute I had to throw or something else so I filled out the landing card got out of the airport and luckily found a hotel in the airport that I checked myself into. . . It was the right decision.

Once we got in all I wanted to do was sleep but of course my little guy had other plans. He wanted to play and crawl all over the place, I didn’t blame him though he got enough rest as it is. I managed to get word party going but he wasn’t very interested so I just grabbed him in the bed with me and switched off all the lights hoping he’ll knock out again … NOPE. He was making all these noises knew I wasn’t getting anywhere so I decided to give him a long bubble bath which finally worked and I could finally get the much needed sleep and recovery I needed.

Fast forward to the next flight, I thought I was feeling better unfortunately I wasn’t. The captain asked me so many question if I was fit to fly but I played it off well because I just wanted to get to Atlanta. As we took off, Jaden had all the energy in the world because this unlike the last flight was an afternoon flight. I was feeling so weak I couldn’t really hold him and play with him like I do and like he loves and I think he noticed because he became so fussy. As the hours kept going by all I wanted to do was sleep and rest. No food, no drink, no walking around just sleep but my little man just didn’t want to.

About 5th-6th hour in Jaden decided to be THAT child that everyone is praying is not on the flight, THE CRY BABY! This was a first for me. He’s usually well-behaved and hardly makes a sound & he’s flown long haul flights before but this one was a different story. For two hours straight he cried & cried! Nothing I was doing was helping. His lungs kept going, his pitch kept getting higher & I felt like I was in a nightmare dream. “Please stop crying” “what do you want & need” but his little face kept going and going. Even with the fraction of energy I had I stood up briefly and he would stop but the minute I sat down he started again but I just couldn’t hold him up long.

It got to the point where I called the flight attendants and asked them to “please take my son, take him so I can sleep, 30 min” I couldn’t do it. I was about to lose my head. THANKFULLY they had spare time to help me out not just once but twice. I now know where that expression heaven-sent comes from. I just needed him off my hands and on that desperate time they came. I was so overwhelmed I believe I even cried for a moment because I was so relieved.

I remember while sleeping they tapped on my feet and I saw Jaden smiling. When they gave him back he wasn’t as fussy and would also close his own eyes briefly. There was a point where he did start-up again & two passengers helped me out. One took Jaden for an isle stroll for about 10 minutes up and down and another from his seat was silently waving to him and because of the interaction, Jaden couldn’t help but wave back over and over very soft and calmly and next thing you know he fell into a deep sleep and I followed. When I woke up at last my little guy was fully knocked out bout 1hr30 left till landing. I glanced to the passenger on the other side and said “Thank you” he smiled back.

Once we landed, I was so happy. It was the longest flight I ever took but only because I wasn’t feeling too great. Jaden was back to his normal self and it’s another first time experience that is one for the books.

The end.
On a side note:

Being a helpful stranger to a mother or any parent can be the most simple reward you can give a parent. If you ever see someone struggling even if it’s just a short while, give them a helping hand like those who helped me out. You’re doing us a kind favor and we are so grateful for it.

The Nerve. (A real story)

It’s already hard enough taking care of a baby then you have to image taking your precious baby out with you. It consists of a lot…. diapers, food, bibs, teething toys, milk and water – a never ending check list not to mention car seat and stroller (mind you I don’t have a car so everywhere I go, it’s Uber everywhere)

Shortly after giving birth I noticed that a lot of my hair was falling out. I heard this could happen. Kind of like when you loose the face glow. It was really frustrating and I got fed up with having to deal with the shedding. There was literally nothing I could do. It got to the point where I made the decision : I am going to cut my hair. How short?! Who knows but that’s all I wanted to do. I seem to be Miss research. I like to know everything before I do something. I had gone on social media every day for hours looking at all the cuts and styles I wanted and made sure I could find someone who could do the cut very well. Finally after sometime I found someone (unfortunately I forgot their name… aren’t they lucky ) I texted their number, told them what I wanted to do, sent pictures & I tried to get an appointment. After four long days of me just wanted to rip my hair out I finally got an official time and date where I could make this big change, I was looking forward to so much.

Going back to what I said at the top, it’s not always easy moving around with a baby. Once baby Jaden and I were ready to go, I called an Uber and we were in the car for almost 30 to 40 minutes. It was a long journey to the hair shop and unfortunately my apartment was no where close. I get there, I’m excited, ready to whip out my phone and show this “professional stylist” *eye roll* what I like … he walks over to me and says “Oh you have a baby, WE DON’T ALLOW BABIES WHILE YOU’RE GETTING YOU HAIR DONE.” You can already imagine the look on my face!!! I was fuming I had to take 5 minutes just to composed how angry I was! I finally asked in a harsh voice “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T ALLOW CHILDREN? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!! MY BABY IS SLEEPING IN HIS STROLLER AND HE’S NOT GOING TO MOVE” and lastly “WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY ANYTHING BEFORE ALL THIS.”

I couldn’t believe what this guy was saying to me. I wish I knew more people so I could call a news crew and tell everyone how they were totally discriminating against me. I felt insulted, I felt hurt and I felt like I wasted so much of my time. I even asked to speak to the manager who wasn’t any help at all. It was at this very moment I understood why some parents really fight for their children’s rights. How can I get penalized for having a baby as if he was going to touch something and cause a ruckus. It was completely out of line and unprofessional on their part especially for not informing me before. I had even asked the guy why did you make me waste all my time especially knowing I lived far away and his stupid response was “oh sorry, I didn’t know you had a kid” and THEN to add insult to injury he had THE NERVE to say “most of my clients don’t have kids.” (Insert multiple f bombs) I had enough of this place. I literally couldn’t look at him in the face because an African palm slap was 10 seconds away. I called an Uber who luckily was close by and I left that disgraceful salon.

I’ll never forget this day. It was one of the worst new mother experiences I have had so far & I pray I don’t have to deal with it ever again or at least as little as possible. I’ve learnt my lesson that although it’s nobodies business to know if I have a child or not I’ll be sure to mention it before I make any type of appointments so I can know the policies. The happy ending of the story is I found someone to cut my hair who happily accepted having my son hang around in his stroller while it got done (if you’re ever in the Atlanta area her name is Brandy and her Salon is called IMAGE IS EVERYTHING) that’s real customer service for you.

To all the parents out there, I don’t wish you come across situations like this one, ever.

The end.