Sad Mommy :(

My last blog was about being a working contract mommy and this blog is about being a sad mommy 😦

I haven’t seen my kids for about two and half maybe three weeks soon and it’s really taking a toll on me. I miss them so much. I miss their presence and kisses and hugs and my son and daughter just following me around everywhere just because…. this is the sad part about the hustle and sacrifice. You do these things for the better but then you don’t want to do these things because of what you’re essentially leaving behind. It’s such a catch 22!

I believe all sacrifice is never in vain and there are definitely rewards for it but it’s so damn hard! In my perfect world, I’m doing nothing but taking care of my babies but I have a lot of other stuff going on so I have to keep pushing.

😦 don’t really feel like writing anymore….

The contract mommy

As of last year, I decided to take the jump and go back to work. It’s not your regular 9-5 … it’s quite intensive, the hours are long but the great news is that it’s contracted.

I love contract work because it gives me the ability to be very flexible as a mother. I can have time for my own business, I can have time for my husband, I can have time for my children, and do everything that I want to do if I’m not currently doing that work.

It was a big step for me, but very necessary… Because there’s so many things that go on in the family, and there are so many things to take care of, and so many goals to reach and it’s cool to rely on one income but it’s not too bad to rely on two incomes especially when you’re bringing in some correct money.

Last year when I was away on work, I luckily had my amazing sister to help me with Papa bear watching the children it worked out. We all survived. This time, same situation but the distance is longer… Remember I said in an earlier blog I took my children to west Africa? Well as of right now they are there, and I am in the in the states! Can you imagine 😭 That is a lot of water between us, literally oceans between us. I think I can survive this because I know they are with my mother, they are in great hands & I will see them very soon.

It’s quite a tough thing to leave your children behind but sometimes in this life, you have to make sacrifices. This time I didn’t have my sister around and for Papa bear to watch our children alone although I know he could do it for two weeks nonstop, it would STOP absolutely everything he had to do for himself and our family. Would that be fair of me to ask him to sit still? Hmm 🤔 we have the same goals to reach and parenting is a two work man job but sometimes you really have to make sacrifices to better the whole family. I know the kids will be alright.

I spoke to my son not too long ago today, and yes he did cry “mommy, I miss you. Come back home” it totally broke my heart but I had to put on my big girl pants and realize I’m starting work again tomorrow and I’m going to be busy and focused and I’ll be back in your cute/sweet lovely arms in no time.

Motherhood is such a big deal. As a mom, you have to make all these decisions and all these decisions have consequences. I know there are some women and men that will judge me for going to work with two children, especially small children but then I think to myself “you’re not paying any of my bills” and all of those opinions are irrelevant. I know the lifestyle I’m trying to live, I know exactly what I want to give my children. You can’t always just expect everything to be handed to you especially from Papa bear. As a woman there’s nothing wrong with getting your hands a little dirty and the benefits will be glorious in the long run. I know exactly why I’m doing this and I know the rewards that can come from this and I know I’ll see my children very soon.

The house is so quiet right now though. I told papa bear “Is this what it’s like when your kids go to college?.” Just the two of us. Quiet. No mess anywhere. No noise. Just us. This is happening right now, so imagine when I children are really young adults of their own and everything we ever wanted is set and our goals are met. Pretty amazing.

I know there will be some days at work when I get to the hotel,  I’ll feel sad and I might cry because I do miss my children but every day that I wake up, it’s just another day that the contract is further down the line and another day that I’ve gotten paid.

I’m very grateful that I had the opportunity to do this contract work & because of that opportunity I don’t take it lightly and I stay completely focused.

Being a working mom is very tough but somehow, there’s always a way to make it  work. I want to make sure I don’t get sidetracked because at the end of the day my children are my priority, and I definitely don’t want to miss moments of them growing up in anyway but that’s where balance come in. It’s not every contract that I will take but it’s not every contract I will miss either. God will see my family through.

Take back yourself Mama ❤️

This will be my last post having anything to do with our Bali trip and this is a post about me.

While in paradise for a short two weeks, I’ve never felt so good as a mommy. I really felt free and I was loving every bit of my curves and stomach and stretch marks like never before for myself! There’s something about vacations that make you feel more free than ever. Have you noticed that? Have you ever looked at anyone’s vacation pictures and see more of them than usual? It’s because of the freedom and relief to just be away. I love it!!

Remember in my previous blog I said I had a nanny and because of that it helped me “live my best mama life” I mean it. Going on vacation with kids is hardly a break because they will always be just as needy there just as home but I was enjoying myself.

Having two kids. I’m Twenty-nine, my body isn’t like it used to be when I was 18 (flat stomach, no ass, no breast, just lanky and tall) but NOW I have a full woman body. Hips and thighs, stretch marks and a tummy pouch which some days is bigger than others, I still have small breasts (I’ve accepted this fate lol) but yes my body is totally different. When you have children you need to find the balance to take care of them and take care of yourself. It’s not always easy especially when they are newborn but I’m dealing with a 1 1/2 year old and three year old. It’s amazing how much you can do & feel great about it. I feel like I can be super mom and still “slay” on! To feel like this as a mom takes time but I’ve reached that point where I know it’s just going to get better.

You keep yourself sexy and confident for yourself first & then for your husband! When you’re confident in your body, you’re even more attractive because they also see the glow shining within from the outside. I’m so lucky papa bear appreciates my body exactly how it is because I don’t have to hide behind something I am not. I just get to show my sexy on my terms and he enjoys and appreciates that. I pray none of you have to deal with an asshole, who shams you in any type of way as a mother, if they do F THEM 🖕🏼 You are beautiful! You gave life and you are EVERYTHING you are supposed to be.

When you get to the point where you’re ready to take back yourself! Do so without hesitation. We are all adults now. Who the heck is going to tell you anything?! Honestly. Don’t let these kids take over your life to the point where you can’t even feel good about yourself and don’t let them steal your mama shine! You are the maker and creator of them. “Give dem” (as we say in broken English) I know it takes a while to get to this place but YOU WILL AND CAN GET THERE and you’ll love it. Yes, some days or a lot of days you may just want to chill and that’s okay too because that’s life but anytime you want to show out… SHOW ALL THE WAY OUT HONEY 🍯

Threenager…

Hi readers,

I am finally back…. life has been happening so I didn’t have time to blog because my mind wasn’t there but suddenly today I had the urge to get back to writing so here I am.

The last time I spoke about my new born baby girl who is about to be one years old in one more month 🤯 & a big brother who has been oh so caring, loving & protective… but there’s more… AGE THREE.

That’s right my big boy is finally three years old and the experience is like no other. He’s wild. When I say wild, I mean it. Three is interesting, the kids are on self discovery like never before but now they talk more & talk back. They know what they are doing and saying & know exactly what buttons to press. Three has been interesting like I just say say.

Jaden is one of the loves of my life but sometimes I feel bad because he drives me to crazy village with his threenager antics. When he’s getting disciplined sometimes it works and sometimes he pulls out the crocodile tears to make me feel bad which these days don’t work lol! I really have to stand my ground if not this little boy could finish me off like the last one on one on a battle field.

The love is unconditional but the wahala aka the trouble he gives can be a bit too much. I am hands on deck as a mother but now I’m dealing with two sides. A growing baby and a toddler and it is a whole lot. I know I got it though but keep the wine coming along with it 🤣

I am extremely blessed nevertheless to have a three year old because it means I’ve been a mother for three years and that’s amazing to me. I’ve grown so much as a woman and taking care of two just shows me a different  side of life not to mention I am soft and hard at the same time because I have a boy and girl.

My son may be wild but he’s still amazing and intelligent. Remembering big words, colors. Enjoying making friends and school & knowing exactly what he wants  and he’s still an amazing big brother. He really loves his little sister and she loves him back and it amazes me when he says things like “mommy this is for Jada.” He’s so involved with her and even if he has moment where he doesn’t want to share his one toy with her, he’ll find something she does like and he’ll give it her! That’s the BIG BROTHER move.

The observation continues.

Sticky Like Honey.

This is my last blog before the new baby arrives and I couldn’t help but share how my son Jaden has been more clingy to me than ever.

Like glue. Like gum on your shoe. Like honey on stick. Sticky is his latest middle name. I completely understand. Two years of being an only child! All the attention to yourself, & now that’s all changing. He follows me around usually but now it’s at his highest peak. Just how young children hold your leg while you walk, similar to that. He wants to be carried every second everywhere and I can hardly go down the stairs without him asking me for a “Hug” which means carry me mommy.  All the while anyone else like papa bear or his nana who asked him to do something it’s “NO”! it’s all about mommy.

It’s definitely bitter sweet for both of us but I know everything will be alright after all his new best friend is on the way. His constant new buddy, someone who can eventually chase him around and he chases back. Read with, watch cartoons with, go on walks with etc etc endless activities. I myself already know all the places I want to take them both after my much needed after birth rest.

Children are so amazing because even though he’s seen my belly grow from nothing to a big, big ball, his whole energy can feel the arrival. I thought it’s because of the baby bottles and toys here and there but it’s just the energy. I’m very big on energy as an adult I can only imagine how children feel energy themselves.

My hospital bag is packed and I’m definitely ready for this pregnancy to end by the grace of God, safe and healthy. I can’t wait to have a new bundle in my arms and I especially can’t wait to see my children’s amazing bond grow before my eyes.

All will be well. I claim it and I thank God for my growing family 🙂

Preparing for two while there’s one……🌸It’s a girl🌸

Two years into being a mommy to my best buddy in the world my son Jaden. Papa Bear & I are expecting once again. 

🌸IT’S A GIRL🌸 !!! 

Wow! I can’t even believe this is happening. So many emotions. Is this real? Can I handle two kids? I’m still learning with Jaden & now we’re throwing in another whole child… just wow. 

The journey has been tough but magical at the same time. The beginning was very rough. Finding out I was pregnant again happened with my big sister Geraldine via FaceTime. I told her “my period hasn’t shown up yet & I have a test upstairs but it’s old” … “Go and get it and go buy another one so we can double check” She said. “OK” (20/30 min later) CONFIRMED! I am indeed pregnant. My sister was so excited and I kept on saying “oh my gosh, what do I do. Should I tell papa bear now or later.” Eventually I told him with giggles which he didn’t find funny at all but me laughing was the only way I could cope and tell him. His own emotions were all over the place. Initially he wasn’t in the best mood because he said “are we ready again?” And all I could say was “I don’t know”! 

Needless to say the next few weeks were very intense and confusing for both of us. I don’t believe in abortions but it was also so early that the fetus is barely formed. I went to the doctor to know my options and again abortion was brought up but also time had gone by going from when I found out to “you’re six weeks in” after a lot of prayer and faith – WE DEFINITELY MADE THE RIGHT DECISION. We are having the baby because God makes no mistakes. 

(Fast forward) all is well, baby girl is growing, emotions are up and down. My first trimester was a hot mess just like with Jaden. Sick like a dog, a lot of crying – not being able to brush my teeth without gagging and just praying I make to the second trimester where I can finally be happy and eat my life away. FINALLY … I get there. 

Trimester two. Bring out the credit card. Baby shopping, ordering this and that. “Oh this is cute and this and this” such a difference shopping for boys and girls. I love all the shorts and polos for my son but seeing the mini swimwear and dresses after paying attention to them got me looking forward to finally meeting this baby girl. I never paid attention to anything girl ever but now my eyes are literally moving at a 50-50 pace because I’m thinking “what can I get for her and what can I get for Jaden” it’s actually fun but it’s also breaking our wallets more 😅 

Now, since I know there’s an new baby on the way, the biggest task is getting Jaden to understand what is going on. As my bump gets bigger I also try to tell him “baby baby” “kiss baby” “baby sister” some days he’ll kiss the belly and some days he’ll smack the belly. I don’t know if he gets it but he’s been more clingy than ever and he’s noticed little baby toys around the house all of sudden. He knows he’s too big for the toys because he’s advanced. They are still appealing for him but when he tries to throw the “crawling ball” and I say no no! He’s confused in why is mommy telling me to roll this ball and not throw it. Children are very smart. I just know his vibes feel that something is coming. 

As a mom to be of two my goal is to split myself in half! I don’t even know how I’ll deal with it and of course I’ll blog about this experience when baby girl arrives. I just want to be amazing to both of them but Jaden is my best friend, my go to, my play buddy – how am I suppose to do this with two kids. I’ve asked mother’s of two and they said they felt the same way but once the second arrives everything just fell into perfect place and everyone is happy so I pray it’s the same for me. I’ll be so devastated if my little guy feels a certain way about his baby sister or if he feels neglected. I already know when she’s born – he’s taking a full week off school to see her every second and I can spend time with them both. Luckily newborns don’t do much but feed & sleep but even then I need Jaden to see that she’s here to stay. I’ve seen him with other babies and he’s done great so I don’t doubt he’ll love his sister and they’ll be best buddies forever especially as she gets older. Jokingly I’m prepared for his slaps because when he sees her on my breasts which once belonged just to him, he might put up a fight 😂  besides the general talks of what’s on the way, I’ve also tried to get him to understand with pictures and stories. I ordered him a personalized big brother book which hopefully will help also. His name and face are in it and it describes all the responsibility a big brother has! I love online. You can find everything. He’s had personalized books in the past and he learned very fast from them. 

The final countdown has begun. Less than a month to go and my big boy toddler love of my life Jaden will no longer be a single child. He’s had a great time. He’s always going to be my best buddy and I believe this is such a great experience not just for him but for papa bear and I. Our family is expanding. We’ve been married for one year & I see the future being bright.

I thank God for everything & I pray I get continued strength to keep being a better mom to my children. It really takes a village to raise a child and I’m thankful for the advice and help I’ve got along the way but I’m very proud of myself because I went from knowing nothing to mothering two & seeing how well my son is growing and learning before my eyes, I’ve been doing something right. 

Cheers to the next chapter 🥂 

Toddler VS Toothbrush

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Brushing teeth! Brushing little toddler teeth, who would have thought it’d be such a pain.

My son loves the brushing teeth song on tv, he even copies the movements with his little finger so why oh why can’t you do it for real? *Sigh* I’ve tried my best to make it a fun activity even to show him how I do it but he simply refuses. Brushing teeth has become a battle for me and the only way I manage it is if I force him by me holding his mouth open and quickly brushing up and down with squealing and crying 😢 “Nothing to cry about Jaden! You have to do it” while he looks at me with his sad puppy eyes.

The days he finally wants hold on to the toothbrush and asks for toothpaste, what does he do… swallows it up, sucks the brush around and puts the toothbrush right back down.

At this point, I’m about done with this game but of course I can’t  give up my little guy because I know eventually he’ll get it. In the mean time I have asked for advice from three people and here was their  solutions:

1.  It’s time to go back to the AFRICAN ROOTS! Cotton wool with toothpaste. Suggestion from papa bear. He said “That’s how it used to get done for us, and it worked”

2. Buy a mini battery operated toothbrush which he can hold and it’ll seem fun – this suggestion came from my son’s grandpa.

3. Sing a song. A suggestion from my cousin Angela whose toothbrush song for her boys is “The Ants go marching one by one” – she also expressed how it’s still a challenge for her but her lovely boys are getting it and I’m sure the song is a bonus because now they associate the tune with TOOTHBRUSHING.

I will try each of these methods and hopefully I can get my little toddler to finally cooperate. We really need this to work because his little breath is starting to stank especially after little naps and in the morning, sheesh! Lol he’s lucky I love him if not I’d never stand for it 😂😂😂

Luckily for me, no cavities in sight just yet. “COME ON JADEN, you can do it”

Have you got any methods of your own in your households moms and Dads? Please share.